What Do You Want In Life?
What do you want in life? A question I have posed to myself so many times. Must be nearly a hundred or more instances I have pondered those words. The answer has not always been the same either. Have you asked? Has it changed?
When I was a younger man I wanted so much in terms of material wealth. I wanted to be rich, and successful. I wanted to have so much money I could do crazy, frivolous, and to be honest, even stupid things with it. I was postponing so many things until after I attained that level financially.
“I’ll be happy after I get that…”
“I’ll take the time to design the life I want once I have the money to do so…”
“I’ll deserve the girl of my dreams once I can provide total abundance for her…”
These kinds of things used to be frequent and repeating thought patterns for me. I doubt I’m the only one either. It did begin to shift in my early 20’s though. Not caring about health, fitness, and emotional wellbeing turn out to impoverish a person no matter how much money or “stuff’ they have. So I decided on my picture of what I want in life. It definitely includes health, strength, and a mindset that can create happiness without so much need for externals.
I began to see that money alone is not the answer. I began to see first hand that happiness is still a choice. Even for the people with complete “financial freedom” living the lifestyles we are all told to idolize, they must decide to be happy. Why do I need hundreds of millions of dollars? Is there a drastic difference in happiness between the billionaires I have met and those worth a few million? Not in my experience, or if there is not one that is easily discernible.
It is a flaw in our collective psychology to assume that once we reach the next tax bracket or level of income that it automatically makes life easier. Or suddenly we are coasting with a happy-go-lucky disposition because of a number in our bank account. If either is true, it is not true for long. The 6 figure earners want to be millionaires, the millionaires want to be billionaires. I have seen so many people look up to those who make more money than them, disregarding so many other important factors.
The man I am striving to become has so little tied to these falsehoods. There is nothing inherently wrong with pursuing more money and financial freedom. I have not relinquished money. I still have ambitious financial goals. But, what I want in life when I ask myself the question now has evolved greatly. I would rather health and happiness. Both of which I do not need to postpone. I would rather have abundance in empathy, knowledge, and freedom. More than the money I want the skill of learning anything, and many capabilities.
As I grow older I understand that my time is running out. What do I want in life? An equally important question is Why? Why Do I Want It?
Wanting a lot of money to go party with was literally a huge ambition of mine in adolescence. What a weak purpose for action. Selfish, and completely wasting any talent or abilities that were mine to develop. I am so glad that I do not think about that as my motive for action whatsoever anymore. It is hollow. It is shallow. And I can do better.
Why do I want to be happy, and develop the skill of learning itself? Why do I value capability as the highest currency? To prove the value of things beyond money. To show money is not the only way. Showing and proving — ultimately providing value to others. I want to become a man that sets a good example. A leader. Someone fighting for the good side. My “why” now is much greater than me.
A real impact is seldom made with focusing on filling our own bank accounts exclusively. And no long term positive impact is made spending that money just on us — be it excessive partying or consumerism. That stuff gets old. Idleness becomes boring.
Nobody sets out to live a boring life. But, lives without a clearly defined and inspiring purpose become boring. It is inevitable. Living for ourselves and ourselves only shrinks our souls. The soul needs to grow and to give. Our personality will be satisfied with much less, but not our soul.
This is why I had to change my answer as I grew. If I kept my defaults or the values that society bestowed I would be playing a game to lose long term. Even if I was a millionaire in my early 20’s I would be set up for failure. Without defining my own values and getting clarity on what I REALLY want and why, I lose.
Getting rich for the sake of being rich is a trap. Play out the next few moves. What happens next? I have millions? Ok, what am I going to do to contribute at the highest possible level? How am I going to maintain fulfillment if getting rich was my only ambition?
A lot of people dream of getting rich but never prepare for it. A lot of people that are perceived as rich because they have lots of money are not rich. They invested so much time and energy to get their material wealth that they lack the robustness of true wealth. Maybe a sacrifice in health. Probably a sacrifice in happiness. Now to work on the repair with our riches? Now to find out that it was not what we were looking for all along?
Maybe it was what we were looking for. Maybe it was what we wanted in life. Maybe. But, one day we all end up dying. If all we ever wanted was money — how much did we miss out on? Money is renewable. Time is not.
Nobody has to agree with what I am saying. Nobody has to give up wanting to be rich. I do think the why is so important. I also think we should find out what we are already giving up for what we want in life, and see if it makes sense.
What do I want? Why do I want it? What am I losing in the process? Can I live with that?
This is the 51st installment of Writing Wednesday. Almost a year of a minimum once a week writing practice.
Let me know what you think of this piece or any of my writing. You can get at me privately on Twitter/Instagram @multitude27 or write me a response here on Medium. I would love to hear your thoughts.
