My Lifelong Search For…
Throughout my adolescence and my adult life, I have been searching for something.
It is challenging, elusive, and it is slippery. I have found it, tasted it, and even practiced it — yet I do not fully possess it. I have been searching for DISCIPLINE.
Funny, I search, but an attribute and virtue like discipline can only be found within ourselves. It is always there. It is always an option — no, the option. Usually, (for me at least), it is the option I know I need to choose but struggle to do so. When I choose to practice self-discipline I thrive abundantly, when I fail to I thrash aimlessly.
There have been moments throughout the last decade where I have been immersed in conduct that is aligned with my best self. There have also been many moments where I have sunken into my lowest self. Throughout these undulations, I have kept a log or journal. Although not a daily practice, I do have journal entries since around age 15. These fragments that remain of my innermost thoughts are my first writings. They are heavily focused on my attempts to change my behavior and become more disciplined.
The theme of pursuing self-discipline that permeates my private writing is not hidden from my public writing by any means. I continually refer to my struggles and state my shortcomings for the world to see. These pieces are good examples of my attempts at candidly transcribing these trials:
Recently circumstances have brought this theme to the forefront of my attention and priorities again. Influences both internally and externally are reminding me how long I’ve been waging this war to discipline myself. My behaviors, my emotions, my habits. It hasn’t been easy. But, even where I currently find myself, I can honestly express that working on improving myself has always proved worth it.
What has recently caused me to become aware of and prioritize self-discipline?
A man: a warrior, and a leader.
You know the feeling when something strikes a chord or resonates with you on a deep level?
That’s what it’s felt like since I’ve started absorbing the work of Jocko Willink. Jocko is intense and I like that. I first was introduced to Jocko through the work of Tim Ferriss. Specifically, these two podcast episodes. Although I was impacted by hearing him previously, I must have needed a refresher. I came across Jocko on the EntreLeadership podcast recently, and this time it was the smack in the face I needed. The gut check.
So I took some action, I invested in some of the work Jocko has developed. I feel Jocko is talking directly to me in his newest book Discipline Equals Freedom Field Manual. This book and its message are powerful. I suggest that anybody looking to take control of themselves and their circumstances should invest in this ode to discipline.
For many months I have felt like I am on the edge of a breakthrough. However, this is a perilous precipice that also feels like I could slip back and lose hard-won ground. Teetering back and forth between my best self and the relics of a lower and lethargic self I’m outgrowing.
I have been building momentum in many ways. Working on charting my course towards the vision I have been creating, and I can feel it getting closer. But, I have also been weak — often behaving in exactly the contrary way to what will help me reach my goals. It is pretty easy to identify that I am lacking consistency in important areas. I have been willing to offload high priority tasks like writing in favor of the immediate gratification of other trivial pursuits.
So what now? You know you’re close to the next level, but you’re still fucking up. How do you proceed?
Deliberately.
I have to make decisions and draw discipline out of the depths of my being to practice positive behaviors and habits and attack negative ones. I need some reprogramming, and I need some rules.
What will I no longer tolerate? How would I behave if I was my very best self? What actions must I commit to every day that will compound into winning long term?
Once I began ruminating on this and asking myself these hard questions, I got out a piece of paper and a pen and formulated a plan. First, I journaled and let myself write anything and everything that came to mind with no filter or censorship. Then I combed through it with a highlighter and took away the most important items to carry forth and execute over the next several days and weeks.
The plan includes what I want to eliminate, what I want to practice, and what needs to happen for me to truly reach the next level. It’s on me to follow through on this plan, and change or adapt it when necessary — otherwise, it’s just a meaningless exercise and a piece of paper with words on it. The intentions are there, but the best intentions often fail us. They fail us unless we activate self-discipline. We all know this on some deep and primal level. We owe ourselves, and the world our best, but delivering that day in and day out will never be easy.
“To reach goals and overcome obstacles and become the best version of you possible will not happen by itself. It will not happen cutting corners, taking shortcuts or looking for the easy way. THERE IS NO EASY WAY.”
— Jocko Willink
I can accept that, and understand it. Every time I have sought out the easy way I have been lured into prioritizing the wrong things and progress stops. So, as of today I am committing to the path of discipline. No longer will I dabble. I have goals that are not getting any closer without my greatest focus. I will fail to make my dreams come true unless I become a man of discipline.
I’m not starting from nothing, neither are you. There are areas now where discipline is visible — but it needs to be all areas and CONSISTENT. Discipline must become the default. If we want to become someone who makes a difference in the world and create anything meaningful we need to do the hard stuff. We need to do the hard stuff especially when the easier stuff is tempting us.
Thank you for reading!
This is the 74th installment of Writing Wednesday. A commitment to myself to actually pursue my dreams of becoming a writer. I am a writer.
Let me know what you think, and follow my journey on Instagram/Twitter (@multitude27) you can also check out my blog www.27threnaissance.com
