How I Define Myself
What do I do? Who am I? Often people ask me the former question, seldom the second. So, this is my attempt to answer the common question comprehensively and by doing so illustrate the less common, but more important question.
One of my biggest fears in life is over-specialization. I’ve never wanted to just be one thing, to commit to a career path or vocation that would become all that I am. What I do with my life right now is a small representation of who I am, but not the only thing that defines me.
I am unconventional. I am unique. I am a believer that I have a vast potential to manifest during my lifetime.
Maybe I’m delusional. Maybe I’m weird. Maybe I don’t have my shit together. Maybe not everyone is going to “get it.”
Regardless of the judgements I pass on myself, or that others choose to bestow upon me I am doing what I want with my life. That is what we should all aspire to do, so long as it benefits others too. What good is a totally selfish existence? Being in service to others, and our planet should be something everyone is able to agree upon as a noble path to pursue.
That is a good starting point, but we all have predispositions, gifts and talents that will allow us to do so at the highest level. That is where I’ve been searching for the last decade.
What am I here to do? How can I use my unique strengths to make a difference? What can I create that will benefit the lives of others?
It’s not like I have all the answers to those questions, but I do have some. I’m exploring, researching, and trying my best to get the answers right.
Right now I live a pretty unconventional life. I’ve been freelancing in various capacities for the last 4 years. It’s taught me a lot. That journey has me so far from a single word, or single job answer when someone asks me “what do you do?”.
That question can bring up a lot of judgement from others. It’s basically a way for us to evaluate each other in our societal structure quickly. “Oh, you’re a doctor!?” Then our thoughts run to how smart this person must be, how much money they must make, and then the feelings of envy, admiration or other forms of judgement flow through our minds. Most of this is far from our conscious thoughts, but we all do it.
So when someone asks me I even have my defence mechanism responses depending on who they are and the context. I might say something like “I do a lot of things.” On which I’ll further elaborate based on their interest and who they are. If I am on edge or not feeling like going through how and why I’m following a different path, I might say something like “I’m a private chef.” Or “I work as a personal trainer.”
All of those responses are but glimmers of the truth. I do a lot of things, I am a private chef and personal trainer, but that’s not what I do — or who I am.
I am a polymath.
Polymath | ˈpälēˌmaTH |
noun:
a person of wide-ranging knowledge or learning.
That means that I’m choosing what to study, learn, and create with my life and I’m not done. I’m not ever going to be one single thing, and I think that makes people uncomfortable.
I think a lot of people give up on chasing their dreams and settle for jobs that pay the bills or “have benefits.” I think a lot of people don’t enjoy what they do for work, and would rather satiate themselves with the thought of a not too distant retirement when they can end their toils. Not that there’s anything wrong with that if you can stomach the truth that you are doing something with your most precious resource, time, that you can never get back.
I’ve had jobs I’ve hated, and I’ve had ones I’ve loved. I’ve been working (legally) since I was 12 years old and not all of that has been enjoyable hours on the clock. After all my experience working, I made a decision that I would not tolerate toxic work environments, boring and draining jobs, or anything less than a position that would stretch me to become better.
I can’t show up to the same place every day and shuffle papers, or drop a fryer basket, and look at myself in the mirror with any self-respect. I have to seek the peak of the ambitions that my soul calls me to. I have to call my own shots.
We need to be careful when we define ourselves by our jobs. We need to know that we are in command of our lives, even if it feels like we aren’t. If we aren’t doing work we are proud of, that challenges us, and that we are happy to participate in — then what are we doing?
All of us can find something that suits us. Maybe it’s not going to happen overnight, and maybe we have responsibilities that prevent us from abandoning ship. Neither of those means that we can’t plan, explore and imagine what we want to do next in our careers.
I’ve found a lot of success that I’ve walked away from. I’ve found a lot of failures that I’ve clung to. I am not done expressing myself and the gifts I have to offer the world. I am not what I do. Who I am is still being written.
What I can tell the people who want to listen is that being a polymath has lead me to having up to 6 jobs simultaneously. Right now I still have many “jobs”. But, the totality of my current work is a place in which I’m building for my next steps, not where I’m going to stay.
Right now I’m a writer, chef, bartender, server, event manager, video producer, brand ambassador, and personal trainer. And if you can’t already tell, none of those single words can define me.
We can all define ourselves. So, what do you do? More importantly, why do you do it? Is that all you were put here to do?
Explore. Learn. Grow.
Become someone you’re proud of, and don’t let what you do right now be all that you ever do, even if you love it. Keep pushing, keep fighting for a better life.
I’m not done defining myself, are you?
This is the 85th installment of Writing Wednesday. A commitment to myself to actually pursue my dreams of becoming a writer. I have resumed this practice after almost an entire years absence.
I am a writer.
Let me know what you think, and follow my journey on Instagram/Twitter (@multitude27)
